Day 217–Jen

For the mister coming home in ten minutes, and the wherewithal to get through so much this morning. How it’s late December already, I’ll never know.

I’m one of the few people who don’t mind the holiday stuff going up in November; I try to breathe it all in, for as long as I can–the sparkle, the kindness, the fun–but usually right about actual Christmas, I think I have a hard time believing it’s actually here, and I get a little sad because it’s almost over. And that’s silly, since the whole idea is to build to these few days, right? I have a hard time just living in the present; I plan a good deal for the present, and anticipate the future, but the everyday often escapes me–and that’s partly why I started this blog with you guys, and I wish I were better at it than I am, but that’s ok. I”m improving. I’m going to try again this year to turn the Christmas sparkle into a longer solstice appreciation. I become very weary of winter round about February; and yet again, I”ll try to appreciate it for what it is and not resent it for sticking around so long.

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One thought on “Day 217–Jen

  1. I hear the struggle on the slow-to-come spring. It’s taken me about 33 years to recognize that solstice is about a turning point in a slow pendulum, rather than a light switch. I have finally managed to reign in the September panic at least.
    I like the meditation on living in the present too. I’m always torn between panic and regret, and spend most of my everyday time on one or both of these emotions… It’s liberating – and then depressing that it’s so liberating – to be able to dwell in the moment. It’s not a skill I manage very often either. I’m doing a lot of Alexander Technique as I negotiate my new relationship with the left side of my body, and one of the principles is – to my naive eye anyway – building in a pause before you start a movement. It frequently catches me out that a simple movement – putting the kettle on, going up the stairs – is laden with so much extra energy. It’s never just the movement I think I’m doing. I’m putting the kettle on in order to make coffee in order to Go Do Twelve Things, or going upstairs to get my shoes to drive 50 miles to blah blah blah blah. I had no idea how entwined future me was with the most simple present tasks, but boy is she. It’s making me slowly realize that my brain is usually 9 steps ahead of me, and my body is always trying to catch up. A ridiculous way to live, especially since my brain can bend the laws of space and time in ways my body can’t. But this blog is helping with recognizing the moment at least, if not necessarily living in it well yet. Hello, moment.

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