Day 248 – Julia

We have a start date.  At long last, I’ve had the acknowledgement that I’m going to be permitted to formally return to my course. It will still be under some restrictions, but they have been reduced to a fairly reasonable level and others are making sure they stay that way.  There’s a defined “worst case scenario” endpoint too, and hopefully we won’t need to use that.  I am still really struggling to let go of the weight of the last 7 months of false starts and frustrating decisions, but now that the uncertainties are down to only about 3, I can make some progress on that hopefully.  For childhood-specific reasons I really struggle with perceived injustice anyway, so being treated like a 7-year-old for no justifiable reason has, it’s fair to say, been difficult.  It will continue to be difficult, as there will be between 1 and 3 people watching my every move and documenting things all the time.  It will make it very difficult for me, and for my patients, to relax and perform well.  But hopefully it will also make me a damned good clinician.  It will give me a lot of hours of 1:1 feedback, So, I’m trying to look at it as a system of being shadowed for my awesomeness rather than a system of someone poised with a pen and waiting to record my every sneeze.  I’m looking at this as a chance to silence critics

Oh, and A has been putting up with me in a legal capacity for 7 years now, which is pretty noteworthy. Give that girl a medal. 

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