Wow – it’s 22 May, 2013. We’ve been doing this for a full year, almost every single day. I’m 2 days away from finishing the 4th year exams for a very difficult course, after taking most of a year off to recover from illness. I’m exhausted and still have a heavy clinic workload for another month, and I’m feeling all weepy and overwhelmed and knackered. But I’m also feeling grateful to be here, at this messy desk, doing my best to do my best with the time, information, and energy I have. And I’m a very different girl to the academic high-flier I used to be. Which is good.
The present is messy, surrounded by coffee cups and radiology notes and thousands of flash cards, but I’m grateful to be in it. A few months ago this wasn’t looking possible, so I’m glad I kept fighting to finish my course. I’d be lying if I said I was grateful that I met with so much resistance, but I’m definitely grateful that I have managed to maintain a good working relationship with the other people involved. I’d also be lying if I pretended I was totally at peace with moving 30-40% down the grade scale, but I’m a lot more comfortable with it than I used to be. I’m also a lot more upright more reliably than I used to be. My inner ear still seems to make too much fluid on unpredictable occasions, but that’s ok. I forgive it. I don’t have MS, my house hasn’t been hit by a tornado, my loved ones are all intact and happy, and I’m allowed to join the beekeeping society in 2 exams’ time. Monday is a Bank Holiday, and we’ve decided to spend it sorting out the garden and relaxing at home. Lots of things to look forward to. Now, back to radiology and legislation, for one last push. See you tomorrow maybe, possibly weekly, or possibly just when I need to be reminded that I’m surrounded by love and beauty and opportunities and blessings. May I not take them for granted.