Well, little blog. You’ve been a good friend, and helped me through some sticky decisions before… You’ve also helped me reframe my mindset when necessary, so I’m reaching out to you one more time. Two weeks ago I finally started a job I’d been really excited to get. It’s way below my payscale, but it’s working for two valuable organisations simultaneously and it’s a chance to learn a lot about how cancer is dealt with in our national health service. But perhaps I should start at the beginning. In January, I was finding lots of good jobs far away from where I live, and absolutely nothing anywhere within commuting distance. Since A is not going to move any time soon (or ever, realistically), this was pretty frustrating. Finally, I snapped, threw a tantrum, went outside and said, “Ok, Universe. Give me the right job the right distance from Swansea immediately, or I’m leaving.” And the universe provided me with not one, but two jobs. This was working well even though I am a little sleep-deprived, but now I have to make a decision. On Thursday I came home from a really great day at job A, buzzing about the organisation I work for. I said, “thank you, universe, for giving me this job.” And then, 20 seconds later, I got a phone call offering me the chance to buy the clinic I’m working in for job B. Profitable clinics with fantastic patient bases are hard to come by, and it’s an opportunity I would be insane to turn down. So now I need to make a big decision. Financial security (but financial limitation), less stress and more frustration, or utter independence a year sooner than I wanted to even consider it?
In my “therapy assistant” role, I get a little frustrated that my knowledge base isn’t needed or respected. And it’s nice not really having to take responsibility for anything directly. Hard decisions are being made but I don’t have to contribute to them.
In my qualified healthcare provider role, I battle perfectionism but really enjoy the autonomy and the respect. However I struggle with the isolation and the uncertainty around being fairly new in practice and unsure of my clinical judgement sometimes. I have a good support network down a phone line, but it’s down a phone line. And I work better with others than solo, I know. Do I want to own a business that’s an hour and 10 minutes away? And which is absolutely lovely and wonderful and exactly what I hope to build for myself?
So, thank you, universe, for good options. I will wait and see